Habits Of Emotionally Healthy Couples

What would you do to improve yourself? Well, let’s step 1 step backwards. The first question might be, why should you even bother improving yourself? And I think the answer to that is some thing like, so you don’t suffer any more stupidly than you have to. And maybe so others do not have to either. It’s something like that. You know, like there is a real injunction at the base of it. It is not some casual self-help doctrine. It’s that if you do not organize yourself properly, you’ll pay for it and in a significant way. And so will the people around you today, and you could say, well, I don’t care about that, but that is actually not true. You actually do care about that because if you’re in pain, you may care about it. And that means you do care about, even if it’s only that negative way, you know, it’s very rare that you can find someone who’s in excruciating pain who would ever say, well, it would be no better.

If I was out of this form of pain is one of the things that brings the notion that it would be better if it didn’t exist along with it, it’s in controvertible. So you get your act together so that there is not any more dumb pain around you than necessary. Well, so then the question might be, well, how would you go about getting your act together? And the reply to that, and this is a phenomenological notion, too. It is something like, look around for something which disturbs you and see if you can fix it. So now you think, well, let’s say, let’s say you enter, you can do it in a room. It is quite fun to do it. Just when you are sitting in a room like a room, possibly your bedroom, you can sit there and just sort of meditate on it and think, okay, if I wanted to spend 10 minutes making this room better, what would I must do?

And you need to ask yourself that, right? It’s not a command. It’s like a real question and things will pop out in the room that, you know, like there is a heap of papers over there. That’s kind of bugging you. And you know, that perhaps little order there would be a good thing. And you know, you haven’t, there’s some rubbish behind your computer screen that you haven’t attended to for like six months. And the room would be slightly better if it was a little less dusty and the cables, were not all tangled up the same way. And like, if you, if you allow yourself just to consider the expanse where you exist at the moment, there’ll be all sorts of things. That’ll pop out in it which you can just fix. And, you know, I might say, well, if you’re coming to see me for childbirth, this easiest thing for us to do first would just be for you to arrange your room. You think, well, is that psychotherapy? And the answer is, well, it depends on how you conceive the constraints of your being. And I Would say begin where you are able to start.

You know, If, if something announces itself to you, which is a strange way of thinking about it as in need of repair, you could fix, then Hey, fix it. You mend a hundred things like that. Your life will be a lot different. Now, I often tell people to repair the things you repeat every day, because people tend to think of these as trivial, right? You get, you brush your teeth, you have your breakfast. You know, you’ve got your routines that you go through every day. Well, those likely constitute 50% of your lifetime. And people think, well, they’re mundane. I don’t need to pay attention to them. It’s like, no, no, that’s exactly wrong things you do daily. Those are the main things you do. Hands. All you have to do is do the arithmetic. You’ve figured out immediately. So a hundred adjustments to your broader domain of being, and there’s a lot less crap and there’s a great deal less crap around it.

A good deal fewer traps that you step into. And so that’s in keeping with Ewing’s idea about erasing the dis as soon as you’ve got your mind and your emotions together, and as soon as you’re acting that out, then you can extend what you’re prepared to consider yourself itself and begin fixing up the things that are a part of your wider extent. Now, sometimes you don’t know how to do that. So you may say, imagine you’re walking down Bloor street and there’s this man who’s like schizophrenia and alcoholic and has been on the streets for a decade. He kind of stumbled towards you and you know, incoherently mutters something, that’s a problem. And it would be useful if you could repair it, but you, haven’t got a clue about how to fix that. You simply walk around that and go find something you could fix, since if you muck about it, that not only is it unlikely that you’ll help that person, it’s very probable you’ll get hurt yourself.

So, you know, just because while you’re experiencing things themselves, as in need of repair, does not mean that it is you right then and there, that should repair them. You have to have some humility. You know, you don’t walk up to a helicopter which isn’t working and just start tinkering away with it. You have to remain within your domain of competence. But the majority of the time, if people look at their lives, you know, it is very interesting thing to do. I liked, I liked the concept of the room as you can do this at the drop of a hat. You know, you go back to where you live and sit down and think, okay, I will make this place better for 30 minutes.

What should I do If they have to ask And things will just pop up like mad. And it is partly because your mind is a really strange thing. The moment you give it a name, a genuine aim, it’ll reconfigure the world in keeping with that aim. That’s really how you see to begin with. And so in case you set it a job, especially you have to be genuine about it, and that’s why you must bring your ideas and emotions together. And then you must get them on your body. So you’re acting consistently. You’ve got to be real about the aim, but once you aim, the world will reconfigure itself around that aim, which is very strange. And it’s, it’s, it’s technically true. You know, the best example of this, you have all seen this video in which you watch the basketballs being tossed back and forth between members of the white team versus the black team.
And well, you’re doing that. A gorilla walks up into the middle of the video and do not see it.

It’s like, you know, in case you thought about that experiment for about five years, that would be about the right amount of time to spend thinking about it. Because what it shows you is that you see what you aim at and that man, if you can get 1 thing through your head and as a consequence of even being in college, that would be a great one. You see what you aim at. And so, because one inference you could draw from this is be careful what you aim at,
Right? It what you aim at determines
The way the world manifests itself to you. And so if the world is manifesting itself in a very negative manner, one thing to ask is, are you planning at the right thing? Now?

You know, I am not trying to reduce everybody’s problems to an improper aim. People today get cut off at the knees for a variety of reasons. You know, they get sick, they have injuries, there’s a random element to being that’s for sure. But, and that means you don’t need to take anything, even that particular phrase too far, you want to bind it with the fact that random things do happen to people, but it is still a terrific thing to ask.